What is darkness?
Can a person live in darkness?
By now you are questioning what my point is! Our journey’s in life go many direction. We all hope for life to go as we plan it. Most of us have vision of how our lives well go. Some of us plan thing and have a mind set that it will go that way. But what happens when the plan does not go as we dreamed? Do you get angry, frustrated and regroup, or give up and blame God?
In the Middle of 2022 life took a turn in a direction I would not choice. Our not so little girl name Gracelyn had a relapse with mental health issues…here previous doctor was searching for medications and also taking her off of her medications. We started having issues as we started to take her off the last medication. She was unaware of her emotions and strength. She was hitting people, biting and breaking thing. Josh and myself trying hard to understand the best ways to help her. Two weeks before Josh was to leave on a business trip our girl got so angers she punched my so hard it caused a bruise. At that point Josh and I needed a plan for when he was gone.
The two of us had a plan for what to do should he be out of town. Our plan was to use the medication we were given to help her calm down. If we for some reason we can’t the medication in her or she get to hear she is completely not calming down, Ava or myself would have to call 911 and ask for a mental health officer. In the worse case have her taken via ambulance to the ER. Please know no parent wants to go though this. With no plan Ava being five feet and myself at five feet one inch, we are no match for Gracelyn at five feet eight inches.
The first out burst of many that happened caused me to have to call for help. The first event ended in a two and half days in ER on behavioral watch. She got placement at the downtown location till they could get a bed somewhere for more intensive treatment. That placement was nothing short of an emotion challenge on Ava, Josh and myself. I was driving back and forth most days to see Gracelyn. Ava was not able to visit her during this time. Our family felt shattered during this time. After almost four weeks Gracelyn was discharged do to insurance not going to pay for her to get treatment. This time felt dark…it was all spinning out of control. The only thing I had to look to was God. I will never forget the day my soul let me finally cry and fully surrender the whole mess to God. I was on my way in the car. I had turned on Apple Music to listen to music while I was driving the hour and fifteen minutes to the Behavioral Health hospital to see Gracelyn. The every first song that comes on was the song Broken Pieces by Koryn. This song has brought new light to the darkness that comes with mental health and being a parent of a child with mental health.
Broken Pieces
Song by Koryn Hawthorne
Lord if I’m honest Feels like I can’t see the light of day
Been stuck in this darkness
So dark that I don’t what to pray
My hearts been shatteredInto a billion pieces
I hear that You are a potterCould You mend me again?
I hear that healing is in Your hands
I need You to take these broken pieces
And make me whole
Oh make me wholeI need You to take these broken pieces
And make me Yours
Oh make me Yours
Lord if I’m honest
Feels like I don’t where to go
There is a battle
Between what I feel and what I know
My faith has been shattered into a billion pieces
Oh yeah, I hear that You are a potter
Could You mend me again?
I hear that healing is in Your hands
I need You to take these broken pieces
And make me whole
Oh make me wholeI need You to take these broken pieces
And make me Yours
Oh make me Yours
Oh make me Yours
Take these broken pieces
You are all I need
Take these broken pieces
I lay them at Your feet
Take these broken pieces
You are all I need
Take these broken pieces
I lay them at Your feet
I need You to take these broken pieces
And make me whole
Oh make me whole
I need You to take these broken pieces
And make me Yours
Oh make me Yours
I need You to take these broken pieces
And make me whole
Oh make me whole
I need You to take these broken pieces
And make me Yours
Oh make me Yours
